I’m so happy you’re here! Seriously. Nothing was harder for me, hands down, than getting divorced. Since its something no one expects or prepares for, I had no idea, really, how to navigate the divorce process and adjust to my new life. As a classic overachiever, I wanted to maneuver through the process in the best way possible. If I could get graded for how well I was divorced, I wanted an A+, a smiley face, and a sticker, dang it! So I scoured the internet for books, blogs, and people that would help me achieve that. There are PLENTY out there, especially with all of the staggering divorce statistics. But none of them seemed to fit quite right – none of them were catered to young women or women of color.
While divorce is extremely difficult, regardless of the circumstances, I believe that being young and Black made it a unique experience for me. Being young afforded me the silver lining of being able to completely and “easily” restart my life – I can launch a career, still have a new long-term marriage, give birth to more children, make new and lasting friendships, and settle into my life as an adult. But being a woman of color meant I faced more stigmas and prejudices, such as being stereotyped as a “baby mama.” Add to that being a Christian, where God doesn’t want to see His children in “bad” marriages in the first place, nor suffering in the divorce that follows it. I wanted to handle the process the way God wanted me to, but there was very little day-to-day guidance on how to do that.
And you know what they say, if you’re looking for something and can’t find it, you create it. So here I am. I want to journey with you through the day-to-day experiences that make divorce so difficult. Our hearts will heal; there’s not much we can do to accelerate or derail that, it just needs time. But getting served papers, sharing children, meeting the new significant other, financial independence – those are the hard parts. They’re the parts that can really make or break us, that can suck us into the dark abyss of negativity. But God kept me, the whole way through. And I feel lead to connect with you and others in the same situation - to share how I went through it, find out how you’re going through it, and give you all the virtual hugs I can muster.
I write to remind myself, and you, to grab our light!