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Grab Your Light

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Happy New Year! I’m wishing you a loving, prosperous, progressive, and light 2019!

In honor of one year ending, and another beginning, there seems no better time than now to discuss grabbing our light. What does grabbing our light even mean? Why did I name this blog that? What am I even talking about?

As you know, my whole life changed when my ex ended our marriage. After a little acceptance and adjustment (which I’ll talk about in the new year), I had to make a conscious decision to move forward. Notice I said ‘move forward’ and not move on. Moving on tends to imply no longer feeling for someone what you once felt. I would be moving on from my spouse and the father of my child, which is a huge feat and not one I’m convinced can be consciously made. So no, I did not make a conscious decision to move on. Instead, I decided not to stay in that low place of despair, insecurity, and dependency.

When my ex left, I had no job or money. So I had no choice but to ask him for food, money, gas, and clothes for our daughter. I was still very (unhappily) dependent on him. Having to depend on the very person who seemingly, and so grievously, wronged me made me feel even worse about the whole situation. In response, I had two options - wallow in that lowliness or get out.

I opted for the latter. I quickly took the first job I could find, reduced my bills, and read plenty of devotionals. I didn’t speak ill of my ex to others (except my parents and sister when venting) nor advertise our separation. I didn’t feel sorry for myself or angry at the world. I knew it was not helpful for myself or my daughter to succumb to that low place. So two short months later, I grabbed the light.

In my reading in those first two months, I came across several quotes that all pertained to light as an escape from darkness. The first was in a John Mayer song called Gravity. In this song, he talks about gravity weighing one down. Towards the end of the song, he repeatedly and very humbly sings “just keep me where the light is.” I remember listening to this song all the time and singing it to myself during challenging moments. It is still such a great reminder.

The second was a quote from R.H. Sin which states, “Some women fear the fire. Some simply become it.” I remember reading this for the first time and feeling its resonation. I was facing the huge task of rebuilding my life at a time when I had few tools to do so, and when I never expected I would have to. This is an incredibly daunting task! At that moment, it felt like it would take forever, or like it couldn’t be done. And really, it doesn’t have to. I could have abdicated all of my strength, knowledge, and skills to that low place and just barely survived. But I decided not to allow my circumstances to consume me. Instead, I opted to consume them.

The third was a statement from Daenerys Targaryen of George R.R. Martin’s Game of Thrones, “I will take what is mine with fire and blood.” I know it’s a little graphic. But it has a good takeaway. If you watch the series or have read the books, you know that Daenerys spends a good portion of the story being underestimated and even taken advantage of. Yet, instead of succumbing to the negative circumstances she found herself in, she set out to get everything she wanted and deserved. And let me tell you, she does it pretty epically. I highly encourage watching it just to see her awesomeness.

Finally, there is a scripture that says “He turns my darkness into light,” 2 Samuel 22:29. I save this one for last because it's really the only one that matters. God is the only one that can give us the strength and peace we need to emerge from the darkness and radiate light.

With all that said, as we enter 2019, let’s endeavor to rise above the darkness - negative emotions (like low self-esteem, sorrow, loneliness, anger, helplessness), disparaging exes, unwanted opinions, co-parenting glitches, inconsistent friends and family, the legal process of dissolution, financial instability, asset distribution, and anything else that comes with the messiness of separation and divorce. These experiences often come as byproducts of separation and divorce. But we don't have to dwell in them. We can choose to feel that feeling, ignore that person, prioritize our children’s interest, take the high road, and work hard. We can choose to grab our light.

I assure you, once you start grabbing your light, people around you will notice and respect it, and maybe even grab theirs too.

Do What You Got to Do

Let Your Heart Break